Ann got irritated. "Yes, I have," she said. "Is that the only thing that concerns you?" "Of course not! I'm concerned about everything connected with you," he smiled and kissed her cheek. "For instance, the hall. Have you turned off the light in the hall?"Despite his sense of humor, Philip was sometimes absolutely unbearable. He had been preoccupied with the idea of buying a new car for nearly half a year and seemed to think about nothing but saving money.Ann dropped her gaze. She knew by experience that if she expressed her annoyance with his "economy" that their conversation would end in a row. Suddenly she remembered her intention to introduce Philip to Harry Roberts, her colleague. Actually, she did not care for Mr. Roberts, but he might be the only person who could influence her husband. "One of my work mates has moved," she said and paused hesitatingly. "Would you like to take part in their housewarming?"Philip shrugged his shoulders, "Why not? We haven't been to a party for ages. Is the admission free?"Ann did not answer. This time she was not sure whether he was joking or not. The housewarming had been arranged for 7 o'clock in the evening. Having stopped his old Ford before Mr. Roberts' two-story house, Philip shook his head in surprise. "How can a common clerk afford such a mansion? Has he won the national lottery?"Ann smiled, feeling a little nervous. "I hope he'll tell you about it himself."Philip and Ann went to the front door and he pressed the doorbell. It produced no sound. Philip pressed it once again and then knocked at the door loudly. Immediately they heard footsteps and Harry Roberts, an imposing, tall man of about 50, opened the door.He and his wife Margaret, a small elegant woman, showed their guests around their extremely well-decorated, spacious house. Then Margaret suggested sitting at the table and having dinner."Aren't we going to wait for the other guests?" Philip asked in bewilderment. "We haven't invited anybody else," Harry said and took his seat.On the dinner table there turned out to be nothing but a dish with biscuits, a sugar bowl, four tea cups, and a saucer with a sliced lemon."We don't eat too much in the evening," Margaret explained, catching Philip's puzzled look. "By the way, Harry, you've forgotten to bring the cognac!"After drinking the first toast Harry seemed to get drunk."You must be surprised that we own such a posh house," he said, looking at his guests haughtily. "My husband has supposed you'd won the lottery," Ann said, smiling. Harry sneered. "Nonsense! The thing is we've been saving pennies where we can. The doorbell is an example. Do you think it's broken down? Nothing of the kind! We turn it off to economize on electric power!"Philip stopped chewing and gazed at Harry in disbelief. "Are you joking?""No, I'm not. If you're interested, I'll tell you some more details.""That would be wonderful," Ann said, showing enthusiasm.Philip looked at her in surprise but said nothing.Harry started talking. According to him, he had always liked gardening and grown lots of vegetables and fruit. His wife hadn't needed to go to the supermarket for them as she could buy them from him at cut rates. When drinking tea, they had always hung their tea bags out to dry and preserved lemon slices in water to be reused later. They had installed a pay phone for their guests, had taken a taxi not more often than once a year and had limited themselves to two sheets of paper per visit to the lavatory. At 7:30 Harry suddenly announced that the housewarming was over. He and his wife had to go to bed before dark so they wouldn't waste electric power.On the way home Philip did not utter a word. His teeth were clenched and he did not look at Ann. When they arrived, he took a bottle of expensive French red wine from the rack and started uncorking it."What are you doing?" Ann asked nervously. "We've been keeping that for next Christmas!"He turned around and gazed into her eyes. "Why did you suggest my meeting Mr. Roberts? Did you want me to see what I might be in 20 years' time?"Ann grew cold. It was obvious that Philip had seen through her intention. There was no point in denying the facts."You're right," she said in a cheerless tone and looked aside."You were a success. I don't want to become such a wretched skinflint one day. Why don't we have our own dinner party now?"
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It seemed to Ann that she had misheard Philip. She darted a glance at him. There was a slight smile on his lips. Relief and joy surged through her. Philip hugged her and kissed her lips. "I love you," he said. "Don't you worry about this wine. We can always buy as many bottles of it as we wish." |
Arriving at her office the next day, Ann came up to Mr. Roberts and gave him some bank notes. "It's my turn to carry out my part of our agreement," she said. "Here's the money for the tea, the cognac, the biscuits and wearing out the dishes and the chairs." "Don't mention it," Harry grinned and quickly counted the money. "When would you like me to invite you again?" |
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Artsun Akopian was born in the Krasnodar region of Russia on the 25th of December 1963 (so he says he has two good reasons to celebrate on December the 25th). In 1986 he graduated from the Pyatigorsk Institute of Foreign Languages (now it is called "university"). He then served in military service until 1988, when he worked as a teacher of Russian in a secondary school, an artist at a porcelain factory and a teacher of English at the university. Now he is self-employed and teaches English to a class of students.
Since 1995 he has been taking a correspondence course with The Writer's Bureau based in Manchester, England.He is married, has one 3-year-old son, and lives in the town of Kislovodsk situated in the Northern Caucasus, Russia. His humorous short stories have been published in the following Russian magazines: Krokodil (Crocodile), in which he won the first prize in their annual contest in 1996; Vokrug Smeha (Around Laughter); and Chayan (Scorpion). Also, his articles, short stories and translations have been published in a number of Russian newspapers. |
EDITOR'S COMMENTS
Highlights:
This Russian author exhibits not only his fine grasp of English in this story but also his strong grasp on how to pull a reader further into a story. Tension is a strong incentive to keep someone reading. In this case, we know early in the story that Ann is feeling upset and irritated at Philip for his single-minded stinginess. This sense of tension will hold the reader--but only for so long. The second tool this author used to hold his readers is to make them wonder "why?" The tension has no sooner been described when the reader is left to wonder why Ann would want them to visit with her coworker if she doesn't really like him. Fast on the heels of that is the surprise of a posh home on a clerk's salary. Again, the reader (along with Philip) wonders just how that is possible. Then the soundless doorbell--another question in the reader's mind. In the end, the author has satisfied the reader by not only answering these plotted questions but also by answering implied questions, too. As the story progressed, it seemed unlikely that this tightwad would pour cognac for his guests. Mr. Akopian answers that as Ann pays off Harry for not only that but all the rest of the night's trappings as well! Which answers a subtle question many readers would consider--was this all just a farce? But no, we discover that Harry's stinginess is all too real!All in all, great fun in a short package.Considerations:
As with most stories, however, there are small improvements that the author might consider. In this case most such instances simply reflect unfamiliarity with English as it is used within the American culture. For instance, contractions are common in daily English use. Especially in an informal setting or story, short sentences often sound better to readers' inner ear when contractions are used. For instance, "Ann did not answer" is perfectly correct. But "Ann didn't answer" sounds better to American readers--and editors.
Adverbs:
Adverbs can be great little modifiers, yet they should be used very sparingly. One reason is that some words become awkward with an "-ly" tacked on. Another reason is that sometimes they are unnecessary anyway. For instance, in paragraph 7, the author wrote that she "paused hesitatingly." A pause is an act of hesitation in itself, so the adverb didn't add anything. Plus this five-syllable adverb is a bit long for smooth reading. Showing Attitudes:
One trick to further involve readers is to use action to convey mood and attitudes. For instance, consider this sentence:
"That would be wonderful," Ann said, showing enthusiasm.
"Showing enthusiasm" tells the reader what the author has observed. This distances readers from seeing the story themselves. The same idea could be conveyed by substituting "smiling" for "showing enthusiasm." The smile is an act which readers can now observe and then can interpret themselves. This puts the reader closer to the story as it unfolds. Action:
Another way to involve readers is to avoid passive verbs whenever practical. Take the following example:
On the dinner table there turned out to be nothing but a dish with biscuits, a sugar bowl, four tea cups, and a saucer with a sliced lemon.
"There turned out to be" is passive. Nothing is happening (no action) and nothing is being observed by the reader (no showing). Here are just a couple of possible revisions employing more active verbs:The dinner table spread from one end of the long room to the other, yet it held nothing but a dish with biscuits, a sugar bowl, four tea cups, and a saucer with a sliced lemon.
OR
Only a dish with biscuits, a sugar bowl, four tea cups, and a saucer with a sliced lemon occupied the long dinner table.
Again, a fun story--thank you, Artsun Akopian, for letting us enjoy it! |
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